Find a Mistress

Plenty of men type "find a mistress" into a search box and land on pages that have nothing to do with what they meant. So here is the Mistress meaning we use. A BDSM Mistress is a dominant woman who takes the lead. She sets the rules. You follow them. And somewhere between her first instruction and your first "yes, Mistress", you get the thing you have been thinking about for years.

If you have ever caught yourself thinking "I need a Mistress" on an ordinary Tuesday, you already know this is more than a passing idea. You want someone whose approval you have to earn. Someone who can stop you with a look, and who notices everything.

Every Mistress on this site is a member with a profile, like you. If you are looking for a Mistress, that matters, because it means she is here to find the other half of her dynamic.

"I want a Mistress" is a start, but it will not find you the right one. Dominant women differ from each other as much as anyone else does. Before you search, work out which of these sounds like the woman in your head. They are the four you are most likely to meet. Mistress profiles usually make it plain which one she is, sometimes in a headline as blunt as "Mistress looking for sub".

Most women are a blend, and her profile will tell you which way she leans.

Nobody can promise you how it will feel, but subs tend to describe the same things. The quiet in your head when someone else is making the decisions. The jolt when a message arrives and it is her. The odd pride in doing a small task perfectly because she asked. The moment in a room when she says your name in a certain tone and everything else stops.

Then there is the rest. Her fingers under your chin, tilting your face up to hers. A heel resting on your thigh while she decides what to do with you. Being told you may not touch, and finding out just how badly you want to. Being told, at last, that you may.

A good Mistress for sub life is one who reads you. She learns what makes you nervous and what makes you melt, and she uses both. That is what you are looking for, and it is worth the effort of finding her properly.

A Mistress writes her profile as a filter. An Australian Mistress tends to be blunt about it. Everything there is meant to save her time, so read it as a set of instructions.

• What she calls herself. Mistress, Domme, Goddess, Ma'am. Use the title she uses. Getting it wrong tells her you did not read.
• What she enjoys. If she lists three interests and you share one, mention that one. Do not pretend to love the other two.
• What she will not do. Take every limit at face value. Arguing with a limit in your first message ends the conversation.
• Where she is and how far she will travel. A Mistress in Sydney is not coming to Perth for a first meet. Search near home, or be honest that you are after something online.
• What she wants from a sub. Some want experience. Many do not mind a beginner who listens. She will say.

Dominant women on any site get a lot of messages, and most are the same three lines. Yours only has to be better than those.

Open with her, not you. One sentence that shows you read the profile. "You said you like a sub who can hold a routine. I have kept the same 5am start for six years" beats any compliment.

Say what you are offering. Your experience, honestly stated. Your limits. How much time you really have. A Mistress would rather have a beginner who tells the truth than a veteran who exaggerates.

Keep it short and polite. Four or five sentences. No demands, no script for what she will do to you, and no photos she did not ask for.

Then let her come to you. She will answer when it suits her, and the wait is part of it. Patience is the first thing she is testing, and a sub who can sit quietly with his phone face down has already shown her something.

Finding her is half of it. How to find and keep a Mistress comes down to one habit: be as reliable in month six as you were in week one.

If you are new to all of this, our page on becoming a submissive covers what she is likely to ask of you in the early weeks.

Mistress dating, Australia wide, starts close to home.

Typing "mistresses near me" into a search engine gets you a list of strangers. Finding a local Mistress who suits you takes a filter and some patience. Use the member search as a Mistress finder: set the role, your state and the distance, and start with your own area. Most searches for a Mistress come from the capitals:

• Mistresses in Melbourne
• a Brisbane Mistress
• a Perth Mistress
• an Adelaide Mistress
• a Mistress on the Gold Coast

Outside the capitals? The mistress near me section of our local guide explains how far it is reasonable to travel in each state, and when an online start makes more sense.

People use these words loosely, and the searches overlap. Roughly: a Mistress is a title a dominant woman holds within a relationship or dynamic. Dominatrix is the older, more theatrical word, and many women who use it lean towards scenes and play. Femdom is the umbrella term for female dominance of any kind.

On this site all three describe members, and plenty of women would answer to more than one. You will see dominant Mistress, femdom Mistress and BDSM Mistress on profiles, and they mean much the same. If dominatrix is the word you had in mind, see meeting a dominatrix as a partner. If you are more interested in particular kinds of play with a dominant woman, try femdom dating by interest.

And for women reading this to learn how to become a Mistress: you join the same way, set your role to dominant and say what you want from a sub. There is a full section on joining as a dominant woman on our dominatrix page.