Femdom Dating

Femdom means female domination: she leads, you follow. That much everyone agrees on. After that, two people can say "femdom" and mean completely different nights. One is thinking of a locked cage and a key on a chain around her neck. The other is thinking of kneeling at her feet while she reads, waiting to be noticed.

That gap is why femdom dating goes wrong on ordinary sites, and on some femdom sites and femdom websites too. It is also why things go better here. On BDSM Australia you can say which kind of femdom you mean, and dominant women can say which kind they enjoy. Match on the craving first and everything after it is easier.

Below are the four interests that come up most when Australians look for femdom. You already know what they are. What you may not have had is the chance to say them out loud to a woman who smiles when she hears them, leans in, and says "show me".

This is the most searched femdom interest by a distance, and the one men are most nervous to mention. People hunt for pegging dating sites and strapon dating, or some kind of pegging finder, because they assume it needs a site of its own. It needs a profile that says so. Plenty of dominant women list it openly, and they would much rather hear it from you in week one than find out in month three.

Put it on your profile in plain words, and say whether you have experience or are curious. When you write to a woman who lists it, do not make it your opening line. Mention that you saw it among her interests and that it is one of yours, then talk about something else. She knows now. And she knows you can raise it like an adult.

Pegging femdom is about trust as much as anything. You are handing her the lead in the most literal way there is. Women who enjoy it tend to want two things from you: that you can relax into it, and that you will tell her honestly how it feels. Give her that and she will take her time over you: slow, sure and completely in charge, until you are thanking her for it.

Chastity is a slow game, and the device is the least of it. What matters is who decides. For many couples it runs for days or weeks, mostly by message: permission asked, permission refused, a task set, a reward held just out of reach. She might let you out on Friday. She might not. Either way you will spend the week locked, aching and entirely hers, thinking about very little else. That is rather the point.

That makes it one of the easiest femdom interests to begin at a distance. An online domme can hold your key, literally or otherwise, from another city. If you live outside the capitals, or you want to build trust before meeting, start here.

Say what you have tried and how long for. Be honest if the answer is "never, but I think about it a lot". She will set the pace to suit, and she will enjoy doing it.

Foot worship is common, harmless and still the interest people hide longest. On a kink site it is about as shocking as liking rope.

Dominant women who enjoy it usually love the attention and the stillness of it: you on the floor, her in the chair, nothing in your world except what is in front of you. For a sub it is service with a very clear focus. If it is your main interest, say so. If it is one of several, say that too. What puts women off is a message that mentions nothing else, because it reads as though any pair of feet would do. She wants to know it is hers you are thinking about: your lips at her arch, her toes curling, and the small sound she makes when you get it exactly right.

Facesitting is where dominance and intimacy meet. She is very much in charge and you are very much underneath it, with one job, no say in when it ends, and her voice above you saying exactly how well you are doing. Because it is physical and close, most women want to talk it through first: what she likes, how you will signal if you need a pause, and what happens afterwards.

Raise it once you have been chatting a while and the talk has turned to what you each enjoy. A sub who asks "how do you like to run that?" will get a far better answer than one who announces what he wants. With luck he also gets a demonstration.

Different interests, same requests. If you want to know how to meet a dominant woman and keep her interest, read enough profiles and these come up again and again.

• Say what you want in a sentence. Vague profiles get vague results.
• Know your limits and state them. She will respect a clear no far more than a nervous maybe.
• Do not send a script. Tell her your interests. Let her decide what happens with them.
• Be patient. She answers when she is ready. Chasing reads as neediness.
• Be good company. Femdom relationships are still relationships. The woman holding the lead wants someone she can talk to.

If you are drawn to a woman who holds authority across the whole relationship, you may be looking for a Mistress of your own. If it is the theatre of the scene you love, our page on dating a dominatrix may suit you better. And if restraint is a big part of it for you, start with bondage partners.

Dom women tend to know their own mind, so this is brief. List the interests you enjoy and leave off the ones you put up with. Ask for what you want from a sub in your profile and let the wrong ones rule themselves out. Use private messaging at your own pace, and try group chat if you want to see how someone behaves in company before you give him your attention. If you are newer to leading, what subs are told to expect is a useful read from the other side.

How to find a femdom is easier than most men think, and so is how to meet a domme once you have found her. Use the member search as a femdom finder. Set your state and the distance, and it does the job that typing "dominant women near me" into a search engine never quite manages. To find a domme close to home, start with local femdom profiles and work outwards. Most femdom searches come from the capitals:

• femdom in Sydney
• femdom in Melbourne
• femdom in Brisbane
• Perth femdom
• femdom in Adelaide
• Gold Coast femdom

Not near any of those? If you are looking for a domme and none is close, femdom online is a real option. Many dynamics begin that way and move into the real world once both people are sure.